Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Dark Room

Just imagine being in the tiniest room you've ever seen, and it's completely black. There are no windows or doors in sight, and everything is all small. The ceilings are low, and even though the walls are so closed in, it feels like you walk around and around in circles forever. You can't hear any sound except the screaming inside your own head, begging to get out. But you can't get out, because you don't see doors or windows. You don't know how you got trapped in there, one day you just woke up and you were stuck there, alone, and terrified. You do everything in your power to distract yourself. You sing, you try to sleep. You attempt to remember positive experiences. But tono avail, because the voices in your head are completely overpowering.
And then, when the voices finally cease, you have no emotion at all. Just complete numbness. You can hear your friends' voices telling you to come to them, consoling you, but they sound so far away; like you're just imaginingg them, because you're so caught up in your own problems that you can't find them, no matter how hard you listen for them. And you keep trying to tell yourself you're not crazy, but there's a prodominant voice that says "Yes Dear, you are, in fact, crazy. Except it. You're not getting out of it now." And you remember that confident, happy person that you showed everyone at the party and wonder where she is. You know that somewhere, there are pictures of her laughing, smiling, dancing around and just being herself.But you think that she's gone now, and when you woke up in this room, she disappeared, completely. You can even hear your most trusted companion, your dog, curled up on her bed, having a little puppy dream. You somehow figure out a way to reach through to the outside and touch her, and she somehow finds a way to make you smile, if even just a tiny smile.

They say that dogs are man's best friend. God they weren't kidding. She doesn't make everything better by any means, but she tries. She loves me unconditionally, and I her. I'm exhausted.


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