Monday, May 26, 2008

Questions about Canada

Meg sent this to me this morning. I'm sure it's been seen before, but I'm amused.

> Subject: Canada questions
> Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics,
> these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe
> it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International
> Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were
> really asked!
> Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
> (England)
> A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them
> die.
> Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
> A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
> Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad
> tracks? (Sweden)
> A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.
> Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
> Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of
> places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
> A: Let's not touch this one.
> Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of
> them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
> A: What, did your last slave die of?
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
> is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
> every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
> Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
> we'll send the rest of the directions.
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England)
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
> Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
> Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
> A: No, WE don't stink.
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
> sell it in Canada? (USA)
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
> population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
> Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
> A: Only at Thanksgiving.
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?
> (Germany)
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
> illegal.
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name.
> It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
> A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of
> anyone walking close to them.
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.


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