Being Invisible

It's really interesting how true this article actually is.
>The Herald (UK)
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>Tuesday, February 27, 2007
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>I spy an MI5 career as the blind invisible man
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>By IAN HAMILTON
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>Am I invisible? Well, some days it appears that I am. There is a
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>strange phenomenon going on which either has to be exploited or
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>investigated. Now I'm not a scientist, but there is an
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>extraordinary correlation between how poor someone's sight is and
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>how much they can be seen by the general public. It's weird.
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>It's like the poorer your sight becomes, the harder it is for
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>anyone to see you. Very slowly you fade away to nothing. There
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>is, perhaps, at best, just a faint outline of a person moving
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>through the crowd. The guide dog can be seen clearly, but the
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>person is invisible.
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>Once, I was sitting in the executive departure lounge at Glasgow
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>Airport (now, I'm not saying that to show off but I was put in
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>the elite waiting room by one of the airport staff who thought it
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>would be helpful - actually, I think she was just getting me out
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>of the way) and for some time I was alone, till one other
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>traveller appeared.
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>The lounge was quiet, with only the faint crunching sound of a
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>blind man and his dog gorging themselves on free biscuits. (I
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>wonder who supplied them?) The other passenger then made a call
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>on his mobile. "Hi, I'm at Glasgow Airport. Yes, I'm completely
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>alone."
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>advertisement
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>I screamed, "No! no! I'm here. Ya-hoo! Yahoo!", while bouncing
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>up and down on my seat.
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>He continued. "Yes, yes, I can speak freely," he said in a
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>booming voice.
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>"No! No! You can't speak freely, I'm here - look, see," I said
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>while figuratively slapping him repeatedly around the face.
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>He then proceeded to go into great detail about what football
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>players he would be buying and selling for his club. "I'm
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>thinking of buying Jo Bloggs for around 200 thousand - um, yes,
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>as long as he gives up the drugs and alcohol. Obviously, it
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>would be good if his foot would grow back, then he'll be the
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>player for us. Selling - well, who the hell would buy one of
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>ours?" It was a Scottish Premier League chairman.
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>He plumped himself down next to me and confessed to his life
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> My instinct was to run around the room naked, falling over chairs
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>and tap dancing on the tables while whistling Dixie. Obviously,
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>I didn't do any of these. I sat quietly taking mental notes.
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>Well, it is my job. He was so near I could have reached out and
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>touched him with my left hand. What was he thinking? He was
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>sitting only feet from a journalist. But because I was blind he
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>just couldn't see me. Some people just have to be protected from
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>themselves. No, I'm not going to embarrass him by giving his
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>name.
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>So, here's my idea. Stick with me on this one, it's good. How
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>about the blind spy? According to a charity for the blind, four
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>out of five blind people of working age are unemployed. A
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>shocking statistic, I know, but perhaps this could be a good way
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>to get many of them back to work by using our so-called natural
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>skills. Being invisible and, of course, our extraordinary
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>hearing. Although I'm not so sure about my hearing. Sometimes I
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>become very deaf, particularly at home, for some strange reason.
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>"Ian, you couldn't do the dishes?" Answer: "Sorry, what was
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>that?" Another yell comes from the kitchen. "Ian, the bin needs
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>emptying." Answer: "Sorry, I didn't catch that."
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>We've got all the technology now. Talking mobile phones with
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>camera, infra-red object detector, digital recorder, colour
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>detectors and blind-friendly global positioning systems. We've
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>got so much kit that when we plug it in at night to do the
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>charging the street lights dim.
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>A couple of years ago MI5 was going through a recruitment
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>campaign looking for more agents. It should have started looking
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>around the blind colleges and training centres - not Oxford and
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>Cambridge. Apart from being invisible, for some reason, those of
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>the public who have the special powers that can see us tend to be
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>the mad, bad, criminally insane and deranged. These types always
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>feel the need to off-load all their darkest secrets, as if
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>somehow a blind person knowing them just doesn't count.
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>Many years ago, I was approached by a man in a bar. He plumped
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>himself down uninvited and started to confess to me about his
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>life of crime. Armed robbery, receiving stolen goods, almost
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>everything apart from murder. If only I'd had a modern phone
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>with a camera, I could have secretly taken his photo, recorded
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>his confession with my miniature digital recorder and scanned the
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>colour of his clothes using my colour detector. Then I could
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>have called the police, giving my GPS co-ordinates, and maybe
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>scooped myself a large reward. The alternative is to try to
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>escape. It's not easy trying to squeeze yourself and a labrador
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>out of the window in a disabled toilet, particularly when you
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>don't know where you're landing.
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>Even when a blind person can be seen, normal rules of security
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>don't apply. Before the recent tightening of security at
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>airports, being blind didn't appear to constitute any threat. I
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>could walk through customs with 10 kilos of crack cocaine under
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>one arm, a box marked "bomb" under the other one, and dragging a
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>case with "swag" printed across it. But as long as I had a white
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>stick or a guide dog, I had some kind of blind diplomatic
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>immunity. If only David Blunkett were still Home Secretary he
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>could have implemented my army of blind spies.
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>Ian Hamilton reports on disability issues for BBC Scotland.
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