Sunday, February 04, 2007

It's such an Enormous Thing... To Walk and to Listen...

Wow!! Colds can bite a donkey's right testicle. So some of my friends tell me from time to time that they'll get these colds that kinda knock out their hearing and make it all whacky. I'd never had that... until Wednesday. Now I feel that I have a slight bit of insigt into the feelings of a deafblind person. It's not a good thing when I can't find my way around my own apartment because I can't hear the walls and stuff around me and I just go "Slam, crash, smash" if I'm not holding onto the walls.

But I've been getting progressively better, and just five minutes ago, I yawned and I felt like an enormous ammount of pressure just released from my ears. I can hear again! Perfectly! Awe, it's nice to hear music that sounds normal, and not to have to get in people's faces to hear them like I had to at breakfast with J and his friends this morning. I feel like I was on a plane ride, but it feels so so good!!

Yep, most random blog post ever!

I am the Luckiest

I hate all the girlie girls who always write blogs about their baby daddies and who just write the stupid msn names about "(L) (K) (F) I love you Baby forever!" It always sees so fake and material and stupid. But I guess today I can't really say that.

It's been almost five months now since my boyfriend and I have been dating, and I might be the happiest girl alive. He's such an amazing person for so many reasons. He puts up with so much of my crap, and he believes in me so much that it just makes me feel great. I know I shouldn't base my emotions on what other people think of me, and I know I have lots of friends who are there for me through a lot of crappy times, and I love those guys to death. Don't get me wrong. But for some reason, this boy has and is helping me make a change in myself. Yes, sometimes we argue, who doesn't? But even when I've done some pretty uncoolthings, he's still sticking with me. How can I be so lucky? He deserves a medal for the shit I put him through, and last night he told me that he totally believed in me and that he felt that I ade a lot of progress with some of my issues.

So, a few weeks ago, a close friend of mine committed suicide. It greatly affected me, and I didn't go to school for the past week. I felt really upset about it, and because of that, i had a really short fuse. On Monday I went to see the boyfriend, and I stayed the night. I had theater class on Tuesday and when I got home, I went to bed. I had a dream that night that my dead friend came back to me and told me that everything I'd heard wasn't true, and he was still around, and not to worry because he'd never hurt himself.This really bothered me, but I felt weird telling the boyfriend about the dream. I felt stupid for some reason, I can't really explain why. So I called the boyfiend the next morning, and I asked him if I could come over that night. He didn't really want to do much, and we got into a dumb argument over it. When finally told him about the dream, he totally understood, and he let me stay with him and he helped me through it. I woke up on Thursday morning very sick, and he got me cough medication and looked out for me then too. He really is amazing, and I feel so lucky to have him as my boyfriend. He's great!

Wow I'm being really personal today, but I didn't sleep because I took my medication way too late last night. So theres my rant about that special boy. Carin is coming to see me soon and she'll finally get to meet him! I hoe he meets her seal of aproval! I'm sure he will!