What a weird weekend

And yet, when it all gets sorted out, I came out with a new friend. How cool!! I get to meet her on Wednesday. She's good buds with Armagideon Time and we're all gonna hang out. She's totally a rockin' girl, and I'm really excited to finally get to know her after hearing so much about her. Yay new friends!!

In other random news, I got to go to the ex twice. Sure it cost me four and a half years tuition, but dammit it was fun. First with my buddy Laura, and then with Camille. Woo!

Also, my other friend Laura is back from Australia and we spend all afternoon together. I'll see her again tomorrow. I'm jazzed!

And am I one of the only people who says "Jonsin'" anymore? I said it in Toronto. I was joansin' for a beer or something, and they all made fun of me. They're not nice.

And I got my position that I wanted. I'm a 101 guide!! Fear me young 101ers. I am your leader... yeah right. Haha.

Back to Ottawa again for good on Wednesday!!

Wasting My Time

Meh, Default's not that bad, don't particularly like that song, but I feel like wasting time and writing... oh no... more randomness from a Barb filled head of crazy times and fun? Hmmm... come forth then, crazy thoughts inside my head.

I'm sure a zillion and eight people have said this before, but dammit I'm gonna say it again. I'm so sick of so many bands who sound the same. The quality and tone of voice and all that stuff are all the same. My latest example of this is bands like Joy Division, Interpole, Editors and She Wants Revenge. Thanks Caitlin. Thanks a lot. I actually kind of like them, and that's what annoys me. I don't know why, they're so monotonous, but I'm diggin' them as of late.

And Jo Co's new think a week is making me cry cuz I'm laughing so hard, simply based on the ridiculousness of it. Who cares who has the fanciest pants? What is this? I had a dream last night that I was showing Steve and Carin my fancy pants and dancing around singing that gay song, but someone else won the trophy, and I was upset cuz I tried so hard. What is wrong with my brain?

And why do I feel the need to sing words about "You stick your cock in, but it won't come out" whenever I hear the song "I hear you knockin'"? It was funny once for everyone else, but I'm still laughing. Honestly, jokes never stop being funny for me half the time.

How dare Bob and Tom.com's stream be dead today. Frank Caliendo my fav Bob and Tom comedian dude is on today and I can't listen. Aaaa, fuck you Bob and Tom. I don't need you or your crap anymore... wait... yes I do... Awe? It's like my morning radio drug...

Wanda's play the other day was absolutely awesome. It was really really funny, and I really enjoyed it. If you ever get a chance to see the Glenvale players perform, you should. I don't actually think it was Glenvale that put on this production, but Wanda and Martin are both players in Glenvale, so go see them act. They're great. And their dinner conversations are quite the ordeal... so funny I never thought I'd finish my supper. Wanda's an awesome awesome cook. I miss those two, and Gleason the doggy, and Daxy the kitty. I miss 'em lots.

Do you ever start to say something on a blog or something, and then realize that no one needs to know about certain parts of your life? I think I have issues with discretion. So about the lazar hair removal stuff... I mean what...? It kinda hurts but only for a second. Way better than waxing... Oh well in other random Barb thoughts...

Am I excited about tomorrow? Hell yes. Am I more excited about Saturday? He he he...

Yay Pizza. Yay Meg! Yay Meg's book! She has been reading me her second book that she's written. Usually after work or after supper, depending on what's going on on any given day, we'll sit down on my bed and she'll read to me. One or two chapters a night. She's a really good writer, and I really hope that this book that she's reading me now will be published. We're gonna read three chapters tonight and finish. I'm in so much suspense... she did a really good job. And she narates it really well too. Go Meg! Good luck!

I hope that the Student Federation will let me volunteer for Frosh week... wait wait! Hold the phone! You're not supposed to call it Frosh week anymore, it's now 101 week, because Frosh week has so many bad conotations! Oops, sorry I forgot. Anyway, I wanna volunteer at 101 week. Even though I don't know my way around the campus super well, I still think I can be of help to the first years in some aspects. Hell, I'm the most enthusiastic, annoyingly cheery person when I want to be. And I'm creative. Thanks Theatre Complete. Thanks a lot. So I'm waiting for an email from the volunteer coordinator. I hope she says yes to me. Yay!!

OK, what is with this horrible song called "Play boys of the South Western World" by Blake Shelton? Way to totally rip off Brown Eyed Girl. The chord progression right down to the "Sha la la la la la la la tee dah..." Fuck country. And the Rascal Flats did a cover of Life is a Highway? Why God? Why do you torture us... and yet I can't help liking Rascal Flats a little because Ashaila listened to them all the time. But seriously... and since when did Country Singers sing about gangs? That's just funny... I get an image in my head about a convoy of really shitty old jeeps screamin' down the old back roads, blaring Johnnie Cash... what is wrong with this picture? Ack!

Well that about raps up today's edition of "What the hell is in Barby's head?!" P.S. Laura, my best Kingston bud who went away to Kitimavik and then moved to Australia is... coming home for next weekend??!! Yay!!! I couldn't be happier! She's going to Western University in the fall, but I get to spend all next weekend with her, and it's going to be the fuckin' bomb! We're having a day on the town, and it's going to rock my friggin' socks off! I'm so happy.

P.S. As weird as crazy metal music is, I love the new cover of "Land of Confusion". Ah... it's excellent.

Music: Ryan Adams - Wonderwall

Burn Baby Burn!

Man, whoever it was that told me this summer was going to go really fast was... not wrong. So much has happened this summer, but I feel like I've done nothing. Last weekend was a pretty good one. Wanda, by the way, was awesome in her play. It was funny, even though she thought she almost killed the little midget dude. But she did not. So I'll be back in Ottawa soon! I'm so excited to get back to my little death house! I miss it there, so much. I'm just happy I'll be out of here soon. Meg and I are gonna go out one more time before I leave, and, in less than a month, I'll be off to GDB for three days! Yay! Woo! I really don't have much else to say except yay for going back to school, finally!

Music: System of a Down - Hypnotize

The Hogwarts Rules

For anyone who doesn't know or like Harry Potter, this might make no sense. But I found it funny, so it's going up here. Thanks Stephani. I just about died.

>1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms
>
>2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like
>one.
>
>3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not
>a challenge.
>
>4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the
>Headmaster's office.
>
>5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Devination class
>
>6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died
>and made him boss
>
>7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda
>
>8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar
>
>9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy
>
>10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the
>month"
>
>11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're
>real animals
>
>12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuss-Slytherin
>quidditch matches
>
>13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball
>
>14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at
>the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"
>
>15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall ont take advantage of
>the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.
>
>16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes
>house points from Gryffindor
>
>17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply
>coincidental
>
>18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny.
>Even if he is wearing an orange anorak
>
>19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"
>
>20) I will ont dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on
>Harry's lips to make him do what I want.
>
>21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
>
>22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells
>shouting "I got the power!"
>
>23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have
>challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from
>various directions.
>
>24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to
>signal my entrance when I enter a classroom
>
>25) Its not necessary fro me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.
>
>26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and
>use it to patrol the hallway.
>
>27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when
>wandering the halls.
>
>28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate
>career choice.
>
>29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme
>song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"
>
>30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them
>smurfs.
>
>31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife
>
>32) "Draco Mafly, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable
>quidditch chant.
>
>33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
>
>34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a
>closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
>
>34) It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes
>herself to seriously
>
>35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to
>announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell
>
>36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.
>
>37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.
>
>38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of
>Draco Malfoy.
>
>39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I
>should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
>
>40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".
>
>41) Bringing fortune cookies to Devinations class does not count as
>extra credit.
>
>42)My name is not "Dark-Lord Happy Pants" and I shall not sign my
>papers as such.
>
>43) I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmellow peeps
>
>44) I will not lock Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room and make
>bets on who will come out alive.
>
>45) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
>
>46) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the
>residential ghosts
>
>47) I will not use first year Slytherins and Gryffindors as
>Christmas lights
>
>48) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force"
>
>49) There is not, nor was there ever, a fifth house at Hogwarts. Nor
>am I in that house or the founder of it.
>
>50) I will not put books of muggle fairy-tales in the history
>section of the library
>
>51) When fighting the Death Eater in the annual June battle of Good
>vs. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and yell "There can only
>be ONE!"
>
>52) I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes teacher
>
>53) I will not take a life insurance policy out of Harry Potter
>
>54) I will not wear A DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT shirt to school
>
>55) I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand
>
>56) I will not tell first years that they should build a tree-house
>in the whomping willow
>
>57) I will not teach the house elves how to impersonate Jar Jar
>Binks
>
>58) I am not authorized to neggotiate a peace treaty with
>Voldemort...Especially if Harry Potter's life is in the bargain...
>
>59) I will not follow potions instuctions backwards just to see what
>will happen
>
>60) I will not use silencing charms on my profesors.
>

Spanish Lesson

OK, so it's lame, and I'm sure people may have heard it before, but Meg sent this to me, and it made me laugh for awhile.

>A SPANISH TEACHER was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
>English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for
instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el
>lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the
>answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and
>asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a
>masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons
>for its recommendation.
>The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the
>feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
>incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible
>later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
>your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
>("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE
>the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.



>The women won

Best! Birthday! Ever!

There's nothing better than having your birthday on a hot hot day. It means lots of swimming and hangin' out at the beach. We were supposed to go to Sand Banks, which is this awesmoe beach in Picton, with the best sand you've ever seen, and huge waves, and a really nice lake to swim in. However, you have to take a ferry boat to get over there, and since the line up for that ferry was like an hour and 15 minutes, we decided no. So we went to Amherst island instead. Sure there was some serious gucky stuff we had to walk through to get into the water, but once you got past the sludge, it was awesome! We had a little picnic with Sarah, Robin, Cam and his friend Lucy and Mom and her friend. It was good times. Then we all came back to the cottage and had dinner. I went to Sarah's after and slept over, and got some sexy new outfits yesterday!! So good times to that.

My brother's taking me out tonight, have no idea where. He won't tell me. And someone wrote something very sweet for my b-day. That made my day. Thanks! Pretty excited about Toronto on Thursday. Excited about Wanda's play, seeing everyone, and playing with Dax the kitty, and Gleason the puppy dog! Only a day and a half of work to go!! Tomorrow I go to scary scary dentist so he can clean my teeth. Yay to that. And Thursday I'm off!! No sleep till the T Dot!!

Oops

Man I'm excited to see this next Friday. it'll be the first time I see Wanda in a play!!

You'll laugh, your blood will boil; CRIPS AND ABLED John Feld takes

dead aim

in his play on a bank heist by wheelchair gang, finds Greg Quill CRIPS

AND ABLED

Greg Quill

The Toronto Star, July 30, 2006

Take offence.

Get angry, outraged, bilious.

Feel conscience-stricken and extremely uncomfortable ... to the very

pit of your soul.

In fact, Toronto poet, writer, activist and multiple sclerosis victim

John Feld would love it if the "temporarily abled" bodies in the audience

Squirm all through his play Oops!, when it debuts Thursday as one of this

year's SummerWorks Theatre Festival offerings.

As long as they laugh at his jokes.

"Confrontational but funny - that's what I'm going for," Feld said

Following a rehearsal this week at the wheelchair-accessible St. Lawrence

Recreational Centre, where a group of professional actors - four with MS, one little

person, one blind, a cerebral palsy sufferer and a quadriplegic, all

working as Crippled Toronto Productions - were putting the finishing touches on

the disquieting satirical comedy.

"After SummerWorks, who knows?" Feld continued. "I'm a shallow guy.

I'll go for the money. I'm hoping for a TV series and a movie ..."

The 45-minute play, which will be staged as well on Aug. 11 and 13, is

about a group of frustrated and foul-mouthed wheelchair-bound friends who

hold up a city bank - under the cover of a riotous pride parade for the

disabled - as a way of underwriting their shaky future and striking out against

the complacency, intransigence, condescension, ignorance, obstruction and

outright cruelty they encounter in their everyday lives.

The targets of Feld's venom are public institutions and utilities,

Policy makers, the media, urban designers, architects and in particular,

Toronto's Wheel-Trans transport service - it's dubbed "Crip-Trans" in the play

and is run by whip-cracking sadists with a fetish for tormenting their

mobility-deprived clientele.

Feld's first theatrical enterprise, written over the past three or four

years and submitted on spec without the benefit of grant support and

legit theatre connections, was chosen from among hundreds of entries for the

fully juried festival of new and cutting-edge Canadian plays, now in its 15th

year. The low-cost production was financed by Feld's wife "and

underpaid driver," Alliance Atlantis Communications CEO Phyllis Yaffe.

"That was the easy part," explained the novice playwright and founder

of the inclusive, multidisciplinary Abilities Festival in Toronto, an annual

celebration of the artistic achievements by people with disabilities.

"The kicker was that we could only be part of the festival if we could

Find an 'off-site' venue - not one of the Festival's regular spaces - with

both a stage and an auditorium that are wheelchair accessible."

Of some 54 theatre spaces in GTA, only four met the access

requirements, and only one was available - the Workman Theatre, established in 1987 for

clients of the Queen Street Mental Health Centre at 1001 Queen St. W.

(For the SummerWorks schedule, go to summerworks.ca.)

"It's entirely appropriate that we should find our home in a place

Built specifically for people with disabilities," Feld laughed. "We don't

seem to be welcome anywhere else."

Through the Abilities Festival and his work with various disabilities

Rights organizations, Feld recruited a first-rate Equity cast - Andre Arruda,

Mark Brose, Wanda Fitzgerald, Leesa Levinson, Diana Zimmer and Ed Wadley -

and an eager director in Donna-Michelle St. Bernard, theatre administrator at

Native Earth Performing Arts in Toronto.

"I thought the script was provocative and funny at the same time," said

St. Bernard, the only TAB - temporarily abled body - in the troupe.

"It raises some very important issues and it dares people to examine

Their own attitudes and feelings about people with disabilities. The play

Makes the point that almost no one is free of some kind of disability, 'official'

or otherwise."

Indeed, one of the funniest scenes in Oops! is a TV commentary by two

wheelchair-bound former hockey heroes as they list groups marching in

order "according to the suffix of their disability" at the Crippled Toronto

Disabilities Pride Parade, starting with the "-itis people" and running

through the "-mania-afflicted",

those with physical, psychological and other disorders, syndromes,

phobias, addictions, diseases and conditions that separate them from the

so-called norm. It's not difficult to see yourself among them, and becomes

impossible - this is Feld's intention - to see yourself as anything but

temporarily enabled.

And when, at the end of the chaotic robbery scene, the lead character

Played by veteran actor Arruda - who was born with Morquio syndrome, affecting

The development of joints and growth of bones, and is just 3-foot-3 in

height - exits in his scooter while snarling, "I hate you all very much," at the

bank staff and customers, it's hard not to feel his rage.

"That's Andre's line," said Feld. "I might feel that kind of anger, but

I don't think I could have put it on the page. I originally wanted to

have fun with the idea, but the anger is hard to eliminate.

"We're the gimps at SummerWorks. We're entitled."WHAT Oops!, a play by

John Feld

From bombs to... boobs?

Wow, what the hell is this world coming to? This article should say it all. The cover of Baby Talk Magazine has a picture of a woman breast feeding a baby, and people are in an uproar. You know, we're freaking out about the bombging in the Middle East, and people are trying to hide a completely innocent picture of a woman breast feeding from their children? What is this?!

JUST BECAUSE YOUR DAD DIDN'T PULL OUT DOESN'T MEAN WE SHOULD HAVE TO SUFFER

Caitlin wrote about some band saying that was the greatest insult ever, and I think it's up there. I'm so god damn tired of people who think they need to be royalty, and that the world owes them for something. These are the people who sit on their fat asses and wine and bitch and cry about how awful their lives are, but then they do nothing about it.

So I have this friend, and he's been dating this girl for I don't know how long. They live in a trailor, crazy hicks. Anyway, he bitches about how annoying and horrible she is, and how she's abusive to him and treats him like garbage, but do you see him trying to do anything abou tit? Nope, not a thing. Just sits on his ass, doesn't have any o and m skills at all, so his life consists of talking online, working like once a week for his dad, eating and sleeping. I'm just tired of "I fucking hate my girlfriend, but there's nothing I cando about it." Um, yeah there is. Kick her out, if she treats you so bad. But he claims she has nowhere to go, even though I know a friend of their's said she could stay there. But he won't do anything about it. Aaaaaaaaarg!

I have another friend who just graduated from high school with honours in June. I wrote about her a long time ago and said how her Mom wouldn't let her do anything. So, apparently she didn't even bother applying to college at all this year. OK, fine whatever. I think it's because her mother was terrified of her being on her own, because no one has ever taught her anything about independence. So, her plan is to go back to KC for another year. But her educational assistant thought of something. She said "Why don't you look into W Ross for the year. You can learn a lot of independence from there." OK, I hated W. Ross, but I loved how much I learned from the people there. Miss Van is the world's greatest home ec teacher, and she's just awesome. A lot of the teachers are, and I wouldn't be half as independent now if I hadn't gone to W Ross. But she's pissed about this idea. I told her that I thought it was good for that, and that the E.A is not trying to force her, she just said to htink about it. And she could do a trial week, follow someone to their classes and stuff and see how it goes. But I doubt she's ever going to do anything.

I'm just tired of lazy people. Really, people, if you are going to bitch about something, do something about it. That is all.

The end of the World Continues

Maybe this is the result of listening to CBC so much recently. I had another dream about the terrorists, or, more like war. Man, I don't know why it bugs me, but it does. I dreamt the other night that for whatever reason we had to go into space for something. Yeah, shut up don't laugh. My aunt's an astronaut and I was going to see her the next day, so I think that's where that randomness came from. Anyway, a bunch of us from the University had to do these two space mission things. The ship looked like a jet plane, it had those comfy seats with the seatbelts and everytyhing.

So we went up and did whatever it was we had to do for the first mission. Then, we were about to go on our second one, and we were walking down the runway, I dunno, spaceships don't take off from a runway do they? I have no idea, but it's a dream so whatever. As we're walking down this runway, we hear loud booming sounds which are very much like thunder. Then my Grandma's there and she tells us that we can't go up, because the fighting in Israel has progressed and that sound we hear is them bombing Toronto. OK... what?

I'm sure it's just my imagination going freaky on me, what with all this middle east war stuff, but it's creepy. And the next day, I was at my cottage, sitting in the hammock, and this huge jet plane comes flying really low over the cottage. I heard it in the distance at first and paid it no mind, and I had my music on really loud, and all of a sudden, there it was, right over my head. I was so freaked. I think I'm just the world's jumpiest individual, and that's not cool.

And on the topic of the fighting in the middle east, why is it happening? Does anyone know what started this whole thing? Like, I know what's going on, I just don't understand why. Something about Jews taking land from people or I don't know. I'm confused. I'd love to understand it though.

Music: Big Reck - Under the Lighthouse