It's really interesting how true this article actually is.
>The Herald (UK)
>
>Tuesday, February 27, 2007
>
>I spy an MI5 career as the blind invisible man
>
>By IAN HAMILTON
>
>Am I invisible? Well, some days it appears that I am. There is a
>
>strange phenomenon going on which either has to be exploited or
>
>investigated. Now I'm not a scientist, but there is an
>
>extraordinary correlation between how poor someone's sight is and
>
>how much they can be seen by the general public. It's weird.
>
>It's like the poorer your sight becomes, the harder it is for
>
>anyone to see you. Very slowly you fade away to nothing. There
>
>is, perhaps, at best, just a faint outline of a person moving
>
>through the crowd. The guide dog can be seen clearly, but the
>
>person is invisible.
>
>Once, I was sitting in the executive departure lounge at Glasgow
>
>Airport (now, I'm not saying that to show off but I was put in
>
>the elite waiting room by one of the airport staff who thought it
>
>would be helpful - actually, I think she was just getting me out
>
>of the way) and for some time I was alone, till one other
>
>traveller appeared.
>
>The lounge was quiet, with only the faint crunching sound of a
>
>blind man and his dog gorging themselves on free biscuits. (I
>
>wonder who supplied them?) The other passenger then made a call
>
>on his mobile. "Hi, I'm at Glasgow Airport. Yes, I'm completely
>
>alone."
>
>advertisement
>
>I screamed, "No! no! I'm here. Ya-hoo! Yahoo!", while bouncing
>
>up and down on my seat.
>
>He continued. "Yes, yes, I can speak freely," he said in a
>
>booming voice.
>
>"No! No! You can't speak freely, I'm here - look, see," I said
>
>while figuratively slapping him repeatedly around the face.
>
>He then proceeded to go into great detail about what football
>
>players he would be buying and selling for his club. "I'm
>
>thinking of buying Jo Bloggs for around 200 thousand - um, yes,
>
>as long as he gives up the drugs and alcohol. Obviously, it
>
>would be good if his foot would grow back, then he'll be the
>
>player for us. Selling - well, who the hell would buy one of
>
>ours?" It was a Scottish Premier League chairman.
>
>He plumped himself down next to me and confessed to his life
>
> My instinct was to run around the room naked, falling over chairs
>
>and tap dancing on the tables while whistling Dixie. Obviously,
>
>I didn't do any of these. I sat quietly taking mental notes.
>
>Well, it is my job. He was so near I could have reached out and
>
>touched him with my left hand. What was he thinking? He was
>
>sitting only feet from a journalist. But because I was blind he
>
>just couldn't see me. Some people just have to be protected from
>
>themselves. No, I'm not going to embarrass him by giving his
>
>name.
>
>So, here's my idea. Stick with me on this one, it's good. How
>
>about the blind spy? According to a charity for the blind, four
>
>out of five blind people of working age are unemployed. A
>
>shocking statistic, I know, but perhaps this could be a good way
>
>to get many of them back to work by using our so-called natural
>
>skills. Being invisible and, of course, our extraordinary
>
>hearing. Although I'm not so sure about my hearing. Sometimes I
>
>become very deaf, particularly at home, for some strange reason.
>
>"Ian, you couldn't do the dishes?" Answer: "Sorry, what was
>
>that?" Another yell comes from the kitchen. "Ian, the bin needs
>
>emptying." Answer: "Sorry, I didn't catch that."
>
>We've got all the technology now. Talking mobile phones with
>
>camera, infra-red object detector, digital recorder, colour
>
>detectors and blind-friendly global positioning systems. We've
>
>got so much kit that when we plug it in at night to do the
>
>charging the street lights dim.
>
>A couple of years ago MI5 was going through a recruitment
>
>campaign looking for more agents. It should have started looking
>
>around the blind colleges and training centres - not Oxford and
>
>Cambridge. Apart from being invisible, for some reason, those of
>
>the public who have the special powers that can see us tend to be
>
>the mad, bad, criminally insane and deranged. These types always
>
>feel the need to off-load all their darkest secrets, as if
>
>somehow a blind person knowing them just doesn't count.
>
>Many years ago, I was approached by a man in a bar. He plumped
>
>himself down uninvited and started to confess to me about his
>
>life of crime. Armed robbery, receiving stolen goods, almost
>
>everything apart from murder. If only I'd had a modern phone
>
>with a camera, I could have secretly taken his photo, recorded
>
>his confession with my miniature digital recorder and scanned the
>
>colour of his clothes using my colour detector. Then I could
>
>have called the police, giving my GPS co-ordinates, and maybe
>
>scooped myself a large reward. The alternative is to try to
>
>escape. It's not easy trying to squeeze yourself and a labrador
>
>out of the window in a disabled toilet, particularly when you
>
>don't know where you're landing.
>
>Even when a blind person can be seen, normal rules of security
>
>don't apply. Before the recent tightening of security at
>
>airports, being blind didn't appear to constitute any threat. I
>
>could walk through customs with 10 kilos of crack cocaine under
>
>one arm, a box marked "bomb" under the other one, and dragging a
>
>case with "swag" printed across it. But as long as I had a white
>
>stick or a guide dog, I had some kind of blind diplomatic
>
>immunity. If only David Blunkett were still Home Secretary he
>
>could have implemented my army of blind spies.
>
>Ian Hamilton reports on disability issues for BBC Scotland.
>
